Accountancy jokes but don't count on belly laughs!
The ICAS education team can’t agree which of these are the funniest – or indeed if any of them are funny at all.
However, they were the best of a best of a corny bunch. If you know any good jokes that we’ve missed, please let us know.
1. Why did the auditor cross the road?
Because he looked in the file and that’s what they did last year
2. How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.
3. An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
"Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night."
"Have you tried counting sheep?"
"That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."
4. There are three types of accountants:
Those who can count and those who can't.
5. How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh?
Net Present Value.
You'll never be a-loan
6. Why are accountants always so calm, composed, and methodical?
They have strong internal controls.
There are three types of accountants: Those who can count and those who can't.
7. What does an accountant say when boarding a train?
‘Mind the GAAP’.
8. Why was the accountant in rehab?
9. What is the definition of an insolvency practitioner?
Someone who arrives after the battle, bayonets all the wounded, pawns their possessions and charges their time to the relatives.
10. How many accountants does it take to change a lightbulb?
How much money do you have?
Mind the GAAP!
An orderly system for living beyond your means.
12. How many auditors does it take to change a lightbulb?
How many did it take last year?
13. Why did the Accountant fall off his bed?
He didn't have a balance sheet.
14. Did you hear about the triple-entry bookkeeping used by some accountants in the 1990s?
Debit, credit and shred-it.